—a love triangle?

© All rights reserved by desi duckie. This is of my own original creation.

As if to set the mood: http://www.youtuberepeat.com/watch/?feature=iv&annotation_id=annotation_679388&src_vid=F4aaxJCqumQ&v=gyvyJ6SGhp4

 Love triangles suck. Not that I’m in one. Well, at least I wouldn’t call it a love triangle. I would call it a very difficult compromise that I’m forced to live with for the rest of my life. It sucks. Being in love with your best friend’s boyfriend. I don’t know how it began or where these bizarre feelings came from. All I know is that Jason Graham was forever off limits the day him and Connor went out and officially became an item.

   You could say me and Jason grew up together. Yap, that sappy lovesick story I’ve kept tucked away forever now. Two young sweethearts growing up together, become lovers, get married..—you know, that fantasy all little girls dream about? The beginning was nice, however.. Jason didn’t see the ending as I did. I fell helplessly in love with the boy. Foolishly, I might add for dramatic emphasis.

   As soon as we graced the doors of Kenneth Junior High, it was like we’d never met. Jason fell into the popular crowd. He was literally the center of attention. Connor being the wild flower she is instantly clung to him for dear life those three miserable years of middle school.

   Miserable is an understatement. I don’t know why Connor kept me as a friend. Perhaps to fend off against the fake materialist bitches in school. (I don’t care what anyone says, a thirteen year old with a Neapolitan complex is fucking scary.) It could’ve even been for the reason Connor needed a real friend in her life. She deserves at least that. Instead of mooching leaches with bright red lipstick and a really bad hair dye job.

   Me, Jennah, being the loyal friend I am, spent countless nights with Connor following the helpless love facade of her and Jason. I held my tongue. I loved Connor too much to ruin her life. The last thing I wanted to be was a home wrecker. Yeah, I know. Middle school is serious business.

   Jason and I had a somewhat comfortable relationship. Besides forcing my beating heart to remain forever still standing beside him. Yes, we joked and kind of flirted I guess. Most people said it was like a brother and sister thing. As much as that ripped through me mentally, I went with it. To make Connor happy, I would do anything. No one told me cutting out my own heart and feeding it to the wolves was a requirement.

  Okay, enough with my sappy mope story. Please feel free to take a moment and get a tissue. I can wait. Now to get to the point of me spilling my deepest darkest secrets. Two weeks before high school was due to start, Jason showed up at my door.

  “Long time no see, Jen.” He said as soon as I opened the door. Jason was the definition of hot. Deep dark chocolate eyes, flawless skin and messy dirty blonde hair. I remember the days when I was taller than him. Oh, those days were over.

   “I’m sorry if my absence caused you any traumatic issues,” I breathed stepping out into the cool summer evening, crossing my arms defensively. “What do you want? I’m afraid I didn’t pen you into my schedule.”

   I was met with a charming grin. “I guess you’ll have to cancel the rest of your plans or must I use force?” He teased. I couldn’t help but drop my stern bottom lip and relax it into a smile.  “No need for force,” I said turning up to look at him. “But really, what are you doing here? Connor obviously isn’t here.”

   That was the only reason Jason ever messed with me. Connor had been his muse and now that she was gone, I suddenly wondered why he was here. A love confession went out the door when a lean blonde emerged from his black SUV.

   “Jason, what’s taking you so long?” Her voice was incredibly irritating. Jason shoved his hands into his pockets and gave me a modest shrug before he turned to her. “Hold on, Sweetie.” The words left a bitter taste in my mouth and I didn’t even say the words! Not only had he moved on since Connor had left, he was here to rub it in my face.

   I don’t know what my face looked like but it made him jump when he returned his attention to me. “She’s not what you think, Jen,” he pleaded. “I was hoping you’d like to come to a party with us.” Us? I thought, glaring at the blonde super model in the front seat. “I know you miss Connor almost as much I do.” Almost? It’s obvious I miss her way more than you.

   “Come on, you can’t spend the rest of your vacation cooped up in your room. Come live a little.” It was sweet. The way he cared weather or not I was living a little. As much as I hated to admit it, he was right. I didn’t want to spend the rest of my vacation moping about Connor leaving forever.

   Jason made a very convincing puppy dog face that, if I wasn’t currently pretending to be mad at him, I would have to admit he was cute.  After a few moments of thinking I finally gave into my desires and rushed passed him. “Fine. You win.”

   He must of been smiling smugly to himself as I climbed into the back seat. Only to realize another guy was buckled up and ready to go. Once Jason got into the black SUV, he turned around to introduce us. “Jennah, this is Ben.”

   Ben wasn’t that bad looking. He certainly didn’t have Jason’s obvious charm, but it was there. Smothered between two green eyes and long black hair. Ben looked as if he’d just walked out of a Caribbean sports magazine. I smiled and offered a hand, “Nice to meet you.” He nodded and shook my hand nervously before withdrawing way too fast.

   That was about the time the blonde whipped around and shoved her face into mine. Well, not literally. “My name is Anna,” she said, smacking a large wad of gum between her lips. “Jay-bunny talks about you like all the time, so we couldn’t live without you tonight, Jenny, honey.” Yes. It had been confirmed. Her voice was like listening to a broken record and nails against a chalk board.

   Jason pulled the SUV out of my driveway, giving me a hopeful look through the mirror. I was too busy trying to avoid flying spit to acknowledge his comfort as Anna continued: “I’m having a party tonight in my amazing pent house in downtown.. Like, everyone that is somebody is going to be there. It’s your chance to make some new friends before school, you know.. Get into the totally best cliques ever.” I’m pretty sure the look on my face mirrored my overwhelming joy to be friends with this Anna chick. Rich, annoying.. hnm, all the things I cherished in a friend.

   Once she was done gloating about her fame and fortune, she sat straight in her seat. I felt sorry for Jason. He had to listen to her mindless rambling about pink bunnies and need for Twizzlers. Ben gave me a sympathetic smile. “You’ll get used to Anna.. she’s not as superficial as she appears,” he whispered.

   His helpful advice fell on def ears but I offered a small smile. “Thanks for the pep talk, Ben.” I slouched back into the seat and folded my arms once again. Mindlessly staring into the middle of no where before we hit downtown.

   Anna was annoying and irritating, but the girl new how to throw a party. Drinks, loud music, big crowd, the fat comic at every corner making jokes about some rap artist. I looked around, trying to find a dark corner to hide in for the night. Avoiding the mosh pit in the center of what I assumed was a living room, I found a small couch to occupy myself.

   Judging from the expansive hotel we walked through to get here, Anna was indeed loaded. And from the noise level, I couldn’t help but wonder if she’d bought off her neighbors to withstand the destruction. Jason and Ben were no where to be found. Great. Now I was stuck in a party with no one I knew around me. What fun.

   In the midst of dancing bodies, a small brunette with multiple colored streaks in her hair fell into my lap. “Excuse me, are you okay?” I asked, helping her adjust into a seat beside me.

   She gave me a half drunk smile through dark lips, “Hiya, name’s Ranger.”
   Ranger extended a fish net arm towards me and I gave her a modest smile. “I’m Jennah. What are you doing in this joint?” I asked, casting a curious glance towards her.

   Her laugh was almost maniacal as she faced me. “The real question is why aren’t you dancing, Jen?” Yea, she was small and moved fast so it was almost shocking the way that she jumped up and grabbed my arm and proceeded to drag me into the mosh pit.

   A logical response wasn’t going to work. But what the hell? She was kind of right anyway. I was just sitting on my ass, watching everyone else have the time of their life. Before I knew it, Ranger threw a red plastic cup into my hand. “You look like you need to loosen up, Jen. Come on, drink and lets have some fun!” She insisted, downing her own red cup of beer.

   I don’t think I’d ever become a drunk because beer honestly tastes like straight piss. But that night, I didn’t care at all. Ranger was right. I needed to live a little. It was my right, right? Between the blinding disco and strobe lights, the constant shoving and body grinding, nothing was making sense. Whatever I was doing made Ranger laugh and shove more drinks into my hand.

   Probably about 2 a.m., I believe I passed out. Because I awoke the next morning in an unfamiliar bed.

   Shock rose in my chest as I jerked upright. It was like an instinct as I felt for my clothes on my body. Okay, good. They were still there. Now to figure out where the hell I was. Giving the place a quick look over, it was safe to assume I was in a boys room.

   The door opened as soon as my feet hit the floor. I was met with familiar chocolate eyes. “You’re finally awake. I was starting to believe you slipped into some kind of beer induced coma,” he said. Jason had a tray of pineapple juice and a few aspirin in his hands as he crossed his room to sit next to me.

   “I’m afraid to ask what happened last night.” I mumbled, taking the aspirin and glass gratefully.

   He gave me a half-harted smile. “I’m afraid to tell you.”

“Goodbye.”

© All rights reserved by desi duckie. This is of my own original creation.

  Goodbye sucks.

    Especially when you’re saying it to your best friend. The one person you tell all your secrets too. Stay up all night with and laugh about complete nonsense. The only human in this world that loves you and would do anything for you. No matter the consequences. And you’d do the same thing. In a heart beat.

    “It’s not goodbye forever, Jen,” Connor whispered. She was hoping it’d make me feel better. How could it make me feel better at the least? Connor Reese was leaving me. Embarking on a wild trip to Paris. One of which, she would never return from. Her father recently got a promotion to Paris, France. Now, Connor was being offered an amazing scholarship to the Academy of Art. There she would make everyone fall in love with the most breath taking photographs. There.. Connor would make everyone that met her lucky.

    As for me, I’d be alone. Walking through the doors of Riverside High for the first time—with no one to my right. Just me. Alone. Yea, that was scary. I could see it now. Get lost by first block, fall down the stairs going to second, buy elevator tickets from dark seniors by third and hopefully make it to fourth. Where I’d get beat up by insane emo-goth chicks. It would of all been tolerable, had it been for the fact that Connor would be there with me. High school was new and frightening. I didn’t want to be alone.

    “You can not go, Connor,” I pleaded with her, coming to a graceful fall onto her bed right beside her. I’d just come over to say goodbye. But the more I actually thought about it, the more I got angrier. The more I wanted to cry. The more I became aware of that my world was being threatened.

    “I need you here, Con.. I don’t want to go to high school by myself. I don’t want to get mauled and never to return. I can’t do this without you..” I felt pathetic, just laying there. “You have to stay here. You can’t go to Paris. What if I never see you again? What if you find some awesomely amazing friends and forget about me? What if..!”

    She cut me off with a smack to the ass. “Shut up, Jen. I’m just as scared as you are. About going to a new school. Stop being selfish. At least you’re not moving to a new country!” Her face was hard when I finally came around to meet her eyes. I suddenly felt ashamed. Being so caught up in my own problems, I’d completely forgotten about her situation. “I’m.. sorry, Con. I just don’t want to be alone,” I coughed up, choking back tears. Her sudden anger had caught me off guard. I didn’t expect that from her.

    Connor sighed, grabbing my arm to help me sit up straight. “Listen, Jennah.. I’m going to e-mail you every chance I get. I promise. There is no one like you. I’m not going to forget about you and you’re not going to forget about me. We’ve been through way too much, you know?” She offered a small smile towards me. “I’m not leaving forever. As soon as I finish my stay at the Academy, I’ll come back. We can go to New York!” Connor laughed, throwing her hands up in a show a huge emphasis.

    “There, we’ll take the city by storm. Knocking down everyone in our paths,” her voice was theatrical. “No one will know what hit them, Jen. Every day will be amazing. Shopping, coffee and sushi for lunch and dinner. Probably break a couple hearts on the way..” Her eyes went dreamy.

    We’d always talked about going to New York. It was our escape from this small town. We were going to make it big in New York. Connor was going to photograph every glorious moment. I was going to be the best actress anyone could ask for. Jennah Summers would be at the top of every A-list modeling agency across the land.

    Connor looked me over, wrapping her arms around me. “Come on, Jen. We can still do this. We’re best friends and we always will be. No matter what happens.” Her voice was soft and calming. She was good at that. Making me feel better. Making me feel like nothing could ever go wrong.

    “Okay, Con,” I finally whispered, brushing my dark auburn hair behind an ear. “You have to promise you’ll come back. You have to promise me that we’re still going to New York. You have to promise me that everything will be okay.” I looked up at her, but she didn’t return the gaze. My heart stopped. It felt like I was walking on thin ice. At any moment.. I’d fall into the dark depths. It seemed like lifetimes passed before Connor took a deep breath.

    “I can’t promise you anything, Jen. But what I can guarantee is that our stories are not over. Even though we have to spend some time together apart, our paths will cross again. Be it now or in the future, this is not over.” Once more, Connor had a very lively voice. That’s what I loved about her. No matter how bad things seemed, she was always there for me. Always smiling for me.

    Why couldn’t I be that way? It was the least I could do before she went away forever. But how could I? I couldn’t sit here and pretend everything was fine. I just couldn’t come to terms with Con leaving me. It was the most insane idea ever. Somewhere, deep down inside of me, I had to accept it. I had to. If not for me, but for her. I knew that she was just as sad as I was about the whole thing. I had to be strong for her too. We had to have each others back. And sitting here, crying like a little baby, wasn’t being strong for Connor.

    Sitting in the middle of her room on her bed, I looked around. Most of her things had been packed away, ready to go. Her house mimicked that. It was almost like Connor and her family was never here. Her family was never big on traditional things. In fact, if you wanted strict and unfair, you’d have come to the right place. Jenson Reese was powerful in his line of work. I guess being a full time doctor gives you the excuse to completely ignore your only daughter and treat her like a business associate.

    I can’t even count the number of times I wanted to kill that man. I know kill is a bit extreme. I’ll never forgive that man for what he did to Con.

    Her mother was nice and quiet. The perfect wife, I guess you could say. More like a spineless minion, if you asked me. She was just as bad as Jenson. A mother that never spoke up or protected their child, was not a real mother in my eyes. Katherine Reese was on my hit list too.

    “Are you okay, Jennah?” Connor asked, pulling me back into reality. “What are you thinking about, Jen?”

    I wasn’t about to tell her I was fantasizing about assassinating her mother and making her father endure the slowest most painful death ever. “Oh nothing really, Con. Just thinking about what New York’s going to do once we get there. Hell, it won’t be able to handle us.”

    Whatever concern was on Connnor’s face was gone. It was almost like she wanted me to fight against this. She ran a hand through her raven black hair. She did this when she was nervous. I tensed up, waiting for more bad news. As if nothing could get worse, I thought bitterly to myself.

    But nothing came. She was hiding something from me. I knew it. Something big that she wasn’t ready to tell me. Her lips tightened into a straight line before she looked back at me.

    “Jennah, don’t worry about me, okay?” Her eyes went cloudy. It was a random question that she already knew the answer too. More red flags. How more obvious could you be Connor? Hello! It’s me you’re talking to, you idiot.

    Of course screaming that wasn’t in the cards. “You already know I’m going to worry sick, Connor. Why wouldn’t I?”

    She cast her eyes downwards, unconsciously balling her fists together in her lap.

“Just don’t, Jen. Okay?”

    Connor met me with a stone gaze. It was uncharacteristic of her. There was something dark and uncertain in her forest green eyes. But now wasn’t a time to argue. I wanted to. Believe me I did. But I also didn’t want to spend my last slumber party with my best friend yelling at each other.

    Instead, I nodded. Awkwardly. She knew she would eventually have to come to terms with telling me whatever was bothering her.

    “How about we get some munchies, Con?” I suggested, flipping onto a lighter note. She took it and instantly jumped. Connor straightened her fleece pajama pants before she reached out to grab me.

    “So long as I get to have ice cream,” she mused, dragging me to my feet.
    I forced myself out of the shitty mood I was slipping into. I had to be happy for her. To convince her that everything would be okay. That whatever dark secret she was keeping from me meant nothing. I had to be strong for Connor. Tonight was the last night we’d have together for a long time after all. Tomorrow she would be gone.

    While she was getting on a plane, I’d be at home.

    Crying myself to sleep and preparing to fall down a few flights of stairs on my first day of school.

I am new! :D

I like wolves, despite the fact that I’m terrified of them. For good reason. Wolves are majestic creatures that inspire me due to their simply wild nature. Wild and free, rebellious. They are not confined by the rules of everyday life. Their families protect them and survive together. They are free.